I recently posted about my experience trying to cancel my Semrush trial.
Then, a Semrush rep jumped in with this helpful comment:
Now, we're not mad at Kyle. Poor Kyle is doing exactly what he's been instructed to do: insult my intelligence.
It doesn't matter that Semrush wouldn't call it that. Making me click 20 times, offering a myriad of services, forcing me to continue the process in my email inbox and then back to their websiteâall to tell me they're trying to protect my data is, in fact, straight-up BS tomfoolery.
And it's not even strategic. It's short-sighted and fails to recognize even the most basic principles of human behavior.
And then there was Oura
I recently bought an Oura ring. The thing cost over $400 but promises insights that someone fighting cancer might find useful.
The purchasing saga went like this:
- Went to buy the ring, found out they don't use normal ring sizing
- Tried to get a sizing kit but had to actually buy the ring to get one
- Discovered Amazon sells the sizing kit for ten dollars, which Oura will credit toward your purchase
- Purchased, confirmed my size, tried to buy the ringâonly to find out they'll only credit it toward their older model (which was never disclosed)
- Angrily returned the kit to Amazon and bought the stupid ring
- Received no shipping time
- Waited
- And waited...
A week later: nothing. No shipping confirmation, no timeline, radio silence from Oura, and a subreddit full of pissy people and canned answers from the company.
At this point, my trust in Oura is negative ten, so I write to cancel my order.
They finally write back to say they can't cancelâthey've already shipped.
An hour later, I get a shipping confirmation. đ
It is no joke to say that mediocrity is the standard of care in customer journeys. This slick marketing:
Isn't even a little bit representative of the quality of care I got from Oura.
At this point, you may be getting sick of this cranky email, but allow me one more example, and then I promise I'll be useful...
Yer a Wizard, Harry
I recently went to the Harry Potter exhibition in Boston. I am indeed a clichĂŠ Potterhead (as in, I cried when I went on Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey), but that's my business.
The marketing was magical.
The reality:
- The main entrance has you walking into an overcrowded, heated giftshop
- No greeting, no directional signage
- We found coat check, checked our bags
- Located entry line next to a Butterbeer booth
- Bought Butterbeer, then learned we couldn't bring it into the event...two feet away
- Chugged. Tossed. Got back in line
- Needed a driver's license for an audio device (after checking our bags)
- No sanitization of devices despite thousands of daily users đ¤˘
- Glitching touchscreens at the entry kiosks
- A teenage boy checking in next to use let out some gas that, I kid you not, made my daughter and I cry a little (not the venue's fault, but I'm including it anyway because I'm still upset)
- Overcrowded rooms with people camping out for photoshoots
- No post-event survey (always a tell-tale sign)
- Random automation a week later asking me to confirm my email subscription with zero context
Here's the thing...
- Semrush has truly useful and insightful tools.
- Oura ring is a solid product that's already given me valuable insights.
- The actual artistry of the Harry Potter Exhibit was incredibly well done.
These products were good. The experiences were total crap. And the fixes are so easy...
Semrush could have offered me a discount, respected when I declined, and let me cancel my trial in just a few clicks.
Oura needed to integrate shipping time automations and add some copy about the promotional credit to the sizing kit (about an hour's worth of work).
The Harry Potter Exhibition needed to:
- Partition the entry, creating a soft barrier between gift shop and entrance
- Add a few twinkle lights and props to said space
- Have a door usher greeting and directing people
- Post a sign about the driver's license requirement at coat check
- Add signage about the no-drinks policy
- Pull one of the many uniformed staff doing very little, hand them Lysol wipes, and save us all from certain doom
It might sound like extra work, but that extra work isn't just a thingâit's the thing. It's how you make sure your marketing matches the experience. It's how you create fans who sing your praises and tell their friends about you.
Because people will talk to their friends about your business.
So what do you want them to say?
The bar is so low that there's no longer any excuse to phone it in. Too many of us are so busy moving forward that we forget the important work of continuously going backward. (Audit your processes, people).
People have already asked me: "Oh heyâdidn't you say you were going to that Harry Potter Exhibition? How was it?"
And it would only have taken a few hours of work for my answer to change entirely.
-April
